You Know What is Scary...
Being a teacher. Because you have to put yourself out there. You have to stand up in front of a group of people, and if you're really authentic, be vulnerable. And let's face of it, most of us want other people to like us. And as a yoga teacher, I learned very early in my teaching that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I am light hearted and corny. I try to give space for focus and reflection but also try to get people not to take themselves too seriously. And not everyone likes that. And I'd like to tell you that three years into teaching, it does not hurt my feelings if someone does not like my teaching, but I'd be lying.
And of course, I want people to like me, but even deeper, I have a great love for what I do. I spend a lot of time learning and creating, and I have a huge desire to share my love for this practice and what it can do for people. I feel like I'll burst if I do not share what I know. So, it hurts a little when that does not resonate.
But then I sit back and look around at the people surrounding me. I see the students who come regularly to my classes (many of them get up when it is still dark outside to take my 6am class). I see the people who can't make my classes on a regular basis but show up for other things I do, such as yoga in the park or workshops. I see people who are much better at promoting me, my teaching, and my space than I will ever be.
And I realize that it's o.k. that I am not for everyone. Because I am surrounded by a beautiful community of like-minded people. And together, we are creating something really amazing, not just by moving our bodies, but connecting to ourselves and with other people.
So, three years into teaching, I still get nervous when I teach to a new group of people or in a new environment. I don't know if that will ever change. And that is o.k. by me. The fear means that I care and I want to do the best I can to create a good experience for my students and help them learn and grow.